Protection
by dcmasters
Summary: Ever since Casey was assaulted, Olivia has been there for her, and then their relationship began. But when Casey suddenly ends things, Olivia struggles to understand where it all went wrong. Set post 'Night' episode. Rated T, but may be M in future.
1. Guilt

**Protection**

**Chapter One - Guilt**

Hello all. This is my first solo SVU fic, so any reviews would be very much appreciated.

I will warn any readers now that this story involves a relationship between two women, so if that is not your thing I would advise you to click the back button before you read any further.

I have no rights to Law and Order - SVU, this is purely a fan-based story.

Thank you and enjoy!

* * *

"Liv, this isn't working," Casey sighed as she looked in the mirror in her office. She'd been over the words a thousand times, but still they were no easier to say.

"What's not working?" Olivia asked from the door, making Casey jump.

Casey shut her eyes tightly. She didn't mean for it to happen this way. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned. "Us. We don't work, Olivia. I've tried, really I have, but every time I look at you all I can see is the guilt in your eyes even after all this time. I can't live like that for the rest of my life."

"Casey, please. Don't do this," the detective pleaded, stepping into the office to take Casey's hands in her own, which the attorney quickly retracted.

"I can't, I'm sorry. This should never have happened. We should never have happened. If anyone found out… all those cases, the victims… they wouldn't get justice."

"This is about the job now?"

"No! Yes… Maybe, a little," Casey replied with another sigh. This _really_ wasn't how this was supposed to go.

"So it's a little about the job, but mainly about?"

"It's about… Ever since I was assaulted we've spend every spare second together. You with that guilty look, like it's all your fault because you went for coffee when it's not, and me… I just can't do it."

"That's it then, is it? I don't get a say?"

"Please, just go," the attorney pleaded as the pain evident was in her eyes, tears forming.

"Casey…" Olivia said as she reached out to stroke Casey's cheek as she quickly turned her head away.

"I said go! I… I don't love you…" There it was. She'd said it, and as much of a lie as it was, she couldn't take it back as the detective studied her face for a few minutes before leaving the room.

* * *

Casey avoided Olivia at all costs over the next few weeks, which soon turned into a month. She didn't answer any of her messages unless they were work related; even then the answers were brief.

The attorney pulled on her coat after yet another long morning in court, slowly doing up the buttons, turning when she felt someone's presence.

"Elliot… Hi. What can I do for you?" Casey asked, offering a smile.

"What's with you and Liv?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You're avoiding her. We've all noticed. So what's she done?"

"Nothing."

"Then why did you break up with her?"

"She told you about us?"

"She didn't have to. I saw the way you two were around each other."

Casey sighed. "I really don't have time for this."

"Well, make time."

"Has she put you up to this? Asked you to come here and tell me how upset she is? Beg for me to take her back?"

"No! She doesn't even know I'm here."

"Then leave. I'm not interested.

"Olivia was so good to you after your assault. She took care of you, helped you find some normality again. I don't understand."

"Yes, and I'm grateful to her for that, but this really is none of your business, Elliot."

"You don't have to try and work with her everyday. Liv is like family to me."

Casey gave a heavy sigh. "It's the guilt, Elliot. In her eyes. In my heart. For making her feel guilty when she did nothing wrong. I just couldn't stand it anymore."

"It's been months since then. So, what, you threw away a relationship with the one person who loves you more than anything?"

"I have to protect her."

"From what?!" Elliot shouted, causing Casey to jump.

"From myself."

"I don't understand what you mean."

"I don't want to be the one to break her heart."

"But you already have."

"I… I really have to go," Casey whispered, quickly fleeing her office leaving Elliot stood there.

* * *

"Liv, about Casey…" Elliot said later that afternoon as they sat in the car on surveillance.

"I said I didn't want to talk about it Elliot. She said doesn't love me."

"But she does. I know she does."

"What are you talking about?"

"I went to see her…"

"When I asked you not to?" Olivia interrupted.

"Yes, because I hate seeing you like this. It's still there in her eyes. She loves you, and she's never stopped. I just can't figure out why she wants to push you away."

"Of course she was pushing me away. But has she realised that? Do I have a chance? Could I fight for her?"

"Yes, I think you could, partner."

A smile spread across the brunette's face.

"And there it is. That smile."

"Shut up, Elliot!"

Elliot laughed to himself. "Want me to help you figure out what she's hiding?"

"I think I could use all the help I can get," Olivia smiled.


	2. The Trap

**Chapter 2 - The Trap**

"Novak, it's Stabler."

"I know who it is, Elliot. I do have caller display. And if this is about earlier…"

"It's not. This call is strictly professional."

"Then you may continue," the attorney replied, sitting on the edge of her desk.

"We need some advice on a case. Are you able to come down?"

"Is it really necessary I attend?"

"Yes," the detective answered with a smirk on his face, "So we'll see you soon?"

Casey sighed. "Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can."

When the call ended, Casey pulled on her coat once more. She really wasn't in the mood to see Olivia today, but if it was a case…

* * *

"Detective Stabler…"

"Counsellor…" he smiled.

"Where's your suspect?"

"Who said I had a suspect?"

"You said you needed some advice…"

"Oh, I know what I said, Novak."

Casey looked unimpressed. "If you've called me here for something other than a case…"

"But it is a case," Elliot interrupted, steering Casey toward an empty office where Olivia sat on the edge of the table, "A case of love." He pushed the attorney into the room and held the door handle so she couldn't get out.

Casey looked a little panicked, then her eyes finally met Olivia's and she calmed when the detective smiled.

"Hi Casey."

"Hi," the attorney replied softly.

"I'm sorry, this was Elliot's idea. I just wanted to talk to you."

Casey nodded. "About?"

"I miss you, Casey," Olivia replied honestly.

"Olivia…"

"No, let me finish. I miss the way you smile at me over your shoulder in the morning, the way you hold me when I've had a bad day, the way we snuggle on the sofa. I miss the gentle, loving kisses stolen whenever we managed to find a second alone, and the deep, passionate ones when nothing else mattered but us," Olivia said as she reached a hand to cup Casey's face, her thumbs gently brushing her cheeks, then her lips, "But most of all, I miss hearing you tell me you love me. Casey, I wasn't there for you out of guilt, even though I did feel guilty. I was there because I love you, and I didn't want the person I love going through all that pain alone."

Casey gave a soft whimper as tears fell down her cheeks at Olivia's words. "I'm so sorry."

"For what, Casey?"

"Pushing you away. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? Casey, you never could."

"But I did, didn't I? When I told you to go, said I didn't love you anymore."

"No. Because I knew you didn't mean it."

"What?"

"I could see the pain in your eyes, Casey. I've been working in this Unit long enough to know when someone says something they don't mean."

"But all the messages, and…"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I wasn't. I haven't been."

"Why, Casey?"

"I can't say it," the attorney replied, her expression pained once more as tears now flowed more freely.

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about anything you don't want to," Olivia replied, pulling Casey into a hug and in that moment she knew what the younger woman meant, "I get it Casey. It's going to be okay now."

* * *

**Thanks to PseudoJ, enchanted13 and bellatisha for reviews. They are appreciated!**


	3. Talk & Tests

**Chapter 3 – Talk & Tests**

_Finally a longer chapter for you all to read. Sorry about the first two being short, particularly the last one. I just wanted to do a few short chapters to try and get the story off its feet before I continued with longer ones. Here we go…_

* * *

"Elliot, open the door," Olivia said as she knocked on the hardwood. The door opened seconds later and Elliot smiled.

"Have you two sorted things out now?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that. Can you get a sweet tea for Casey and a coffee for me?"

Elliot frowned. "Sure. I'll be a couple of minutes."

The couple sat in silence until Elliot knocked with their drinks and Olivia took them. "Can you call Melinda?" she whispered.

"Sure. Why?"

Olivia shook her head. "I'll tell you when she gets here."

Elliot nodded, disappearing as Olivia returned to Casey, placing the drinks down.

"Thanks," Casey said softly, holding the paper cup between her hands, shivering as it warmed her.

Olivia sat opposite the attorney and carefully studied her. No one had seen this coming. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"How can I talk about something I don't remember?"

Olivia reached across the table to squeeze Casey's hand gently. "When did you realise?"

"A few weeks ago," the attorney replied quickly, eyes fixed on her tea.

"Casey, sweetheart, you could have talked to me, or any of us, you know that."

"I guess I didn't know what to say for once in my life," Casey replied with a flicker of a smile as she lifted her tear-filled eyes to look at Olivia, "What am I going to do?"

"Whatever you need to."

Casey nodded. "I don't know what I want. I mean, just trying to get my head around the attack and get to the point I am now was hard enough, but now this? This is something I never thought I'd have to deal with."

"I know, Casey, but whatever happens, I'll always be here. I'll always love you," Olivia replied, moving around the table to wrap an arm around Casey.

"I guess… I didn't want you to deal with that too, what with…"

"It's okay, honestly. I know why you did what you did. I can't say in the same circumstances I wouldn't too."

"I can't have a baby, Olivia. Not like this," Casey whispered as tears filled her eyes forcing the brunette to pull the younger woman into a tight hug.

"Shh, I've got you," Olivia whispered, rocking her gently.

They stayed this way for another ten minutes before there was a knock on the door and Olivia pulled away to answer it.

"Melinda, hi. Come in," she smiled.

"What is it you need? I got a vague call from Elliot," the medical examiner asked softly.

"Can you do some blood tests for Casey?"

"What's it for?" Melinda asked, with a frown.

"She's pregnant, and there's no other way she could be pregnant without it being whilst she was unconscious when she was attacked."

"Full screening," the examiner nodded, "That would make her about 16 weeks, right?"

"Yes. She hasn't had any scans or anything yet as far as I know," the detective replied, showing Melinda over to Casey, who had her head resting against her folded arms on the table.

"Casey, honey…" Olivia said softly, kneeling in front of her as she lifted her head, "Melinda's here to do some tests. Don't worry, she won't tell anyone outside this room, ok?"

The attorney nodded, rolling up her sleeve as Melinda got out a tourniquet. She sat still, not even flinching when the needle went into her arm, lost with her own thoughts.

"Right, that's all done. She should see someone for a scan referral a.s.a.p. I'll let you know when the results of these are back."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you."

"Anytime," Melinda smiled, resting a hand on Olivia's arm gently before she left.

Regaining Casey attention a few minutes later, Olivia gave her a soft smile. "Why don't I take the rest of the day off and take you home?"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Cragen owes me countless hours. Just give me a few minutes to speak to Elliot."

Casey nodded, gently touching Olivia's cheek before she stood to leave the room.

"Elliot…" she called from just outside the room, wanting to make sure Casey didn't try and leave.

He quickly looked up from his work, and then joined Olivia. "Is Casey alright?"

"I need the rest of the day, and tomorrow off. Cragen's in that meeting all afternoon…"

"Can I ask why?"

"Casey's pregnant."

"She's what?" Elliot frowned.

"Pregnant. From the assault."

"But I thought there was no sexual assault…"

"So did I. The doctors at the hospital checked her over and said there was no trauma or signs of rape."

"Then how?"

"I don't know. Can you look back through the evidence? See if the CSI's picked anything up we didn't think was relevant at the time?"

"Sure. I'll clear your time off, and I keep it on a need to know."

"Thanks, Elliot," Olivia smiled gratefully before returning to Casey.

* * *

They sat in silence for a long time when they arrived back at Casey apartment. Olivia didn't want to push the attorney to talk if she wasn't ready, so wrapped her arms around her and lay back Casey back against her on the sofa, dropping occasional kisses to her head. Deciding another half an hour later that they'd sat in silence long enough, Olivia finally spoke.

"I've missed this, having you in my arms."

"I've missed it too. I'm so sorry I pushed you away, Olivia."

"Hey, enough of that, I've already said that it's okay, and that I understand. Casey, you have got to stop beating yourself up about this. This is _not_ your fault."

"But _how_ did I not know?"

"Neither did the doctors who checked you over, Casey."

"If they couldn't spot it then how could you?"

Casey gave a soft sigh. "But I should have known when I was so late."

"You know as well as I do that stress can cause late periods. And with the amount you've been under lately, it's hardly surprising."

"I guess," Casey replied with a yawn.

"Right, come on," Olivia said sitting forward before standing, pulling Casey up with her, "We are going to bed. When we get there you can sleep or we can talk some more."

Casey nodded, kissing Olivia's cheek before following her through.

Olivia helped Casey change, unable to help sneak a look at her small bump. She wanted to smile, tell Casey she was quite happy for them to bring up this little life together, but the detective knew it had to be Casey's decision. Pulling back the covers she lay beside Casey, pulling her into her arms so they could face each other.

"How would you feel if I booked you an appointment for tomorrow to see an obstetrician? Just to check your dates and make sure everything is ok before you make any decisions."

"I… I guess that would be ok," Casey replied softly, moving herself closer to Olivia.

"Casey, I just want to make sure you know that whatever decision you make about this baby I will support and I will be there for you no matter what."

"I know, thank you," the attorney replied with a soft sigh, "What would you do?"

"This has to be your decision. Only yours."

"Yes, but as a child of…" Casey paused, unable to bring herself to say the word, "Being on the other side of it. What would you do?"

"Well, I can't say it's easy when you know your father was a rapist, but at the same time my mother was an alcoholic. You know how difficult I find it in relationships, worried I'll turn into one of them…"

"But you won't because you're a wonderful person."

Olivia smiled, kissing Casey's forehead. "Exactly. I am not my parents, even though there are times I fear I will be like them. If you have this baby, Casey, things will be so different from the life I had that it wouldn't be fair to take my feelings into account. This child would have two mothers to love and care for them."

"You promise?"

"Yes. It doesn't matter what we face now or in ten years time, honey. I want to share it all with you, the good, as well as the bad."

Casey pressed her lips to Olivia's as the pair shared a soft kiss.

"I love you, Benson."

"I love you too, Novak," Olivia smiled, the attorney falling asleep in her arms seconds later, more relaxed than she'd been in weeks.

* * *

Olivia watched over Casey as she slept, quietly calling around to find someone who could see her girlfriend the following day. Luckily, she'd found one not too far that could fit them in at 2pm.

Casey stirred a few hours later and Olivia kissed her forehead.

"Hi, sleepy head," she whispered with a smile.

"What if it looks like him?" Casey offered quietly in response.

"How could it with your fantastic looks?"

"You always know the right thing to say, Benson. Well, mostly always."

"I'll take that as a compliment," the brunette smiled.

"Did you make an appointment?"

"Yes, at two, which means we get a long lie in and then I am going to take you to the finest establishment for breakfast this side of Queens."

"You're going to take me to the cop diner, aren't you?"

"Exactly, they do the best breakfasts!"

"If you insist," the attorney smiled.

"I do, as it goes. Now, what can I get you for dinner?"

"I'm not that hungry."

"You have to eat, honey. How about I cook?"

"Let's get a takeaway," Casey said quickly, recalling the last time Olivia had offered to 'cook'.

"Your quick answer leads me to deduce that you don't appreciate my cooking, Counsellor."

"I do not call burnt beans on toast dinner, even when you lit some candles to go in the middle of the table. I still don't understand how you managed to cook perfect toast and burn the beans, Detective."

"What can I say? I am a woman of many talents."

"That don't extend to the kitchen."

"Alright, enough about my cooking, we can order from your favourite restaurant to deliver."

"Thank you," Casey leant upward to kiss Olivia's cheek. It was only then she realised the brunettes hand was stroking her bump, and she was certain Olivia wasn't even aware she was doing it, that it was a natural, loving action toward both her and the baby she was carrying.

* * *

**Many thanks to enchanted13, cabson and the two 'Guest' reviewers for your feedback!**


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